The newest rising star of the celebrity world, Jodie Marsh found fame as part of the TV series
Essex Wives
and has established herself as a tabloid favorite. From her unhappy school days and her teenage nose job to her current success, this is her uncensored story. It includes her very public feud with archrival Jordan and her legendary partying antics in her outrageous ou
The newest rising star of the celebrity world, Jodie Marsh found fame as part of the TV series
Essex Wives
and has established herself as a tabloid favorite. From her unhappy school days and her teenage nose job to her current success, this is her uncensored story. It includes her very public feud with archrival Jordan and her legendary partying antics in her outrageous outfits. She recounts her days as a stripper and Page 3 model and dishes the sexy truth on her passionate affairs with a string of famous boyfriends. But Jodie has had her share of tragedy, and in her frank story she talks for the first time about the devastating effect that the murder of one of her closest friends had on her. Forthright, sassy, determined, and sexy, this is the story of one of Britain's brightest stars.
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Paperback
,
288 pages
Published
June 1st 2005
by John Blake
(first published 2005)
As celebrities/people who take up column inches go, Jodie Marsh perhaps has been one of the most successful in terms of those who are just ‘famous for being famous’, and started from nothing.
A while back, I got hooked and incredibly fascinated by a show she did called “Totally Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up the Aisle?”. When I first heard about it, along with instantly finding the urge to post on my blog and take the obvious mickey out of that title, I knew instantly what would happen and that
As celebrities/people who take up column inches go, Jodie Marsh perhaps has been one of the most successful in terms of those who are just ‘famous for being famous’, and started from nothing.
A while back, I got hooked and incredibly fascinated by a show she did called “Totally Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up the Aisle?”. When I first heard about it, along with instantly finding the urge to post on my blog and take the obvious mickey out of that title, I knew instantly what would happen and that it was destined to be pure car crash telly, resulting in a huge blow to her career. Good old Jodie didn’t let us down.
As it turns out, she didn’t get the response she wanted from the men of Britain. As we saw, the auditions were poorly attended, much to the disappointment of Marsh, who couldn’t fathom why marrying Jodie Marsh wasn’t such an appealing prospect. She blamed the day of the week or clashing with a sports match on TV, without once considering that perhaps nobody wanted her. Bar the few weirdos that turned up, of course.
Ignoring the clear anal pun in the title of the show, part of me wonders whether she should have called it “Who’ll Take Her Up the Arse?”, because I know for a fact she would have had no reason to blame anything else going on in the world if she did. In fact, she would have had a queue down the street of willing, large cocked (as she desires) men just waiting to stick it in her poop shaft.
But she is pretty deluded and doesn’t get that, as she believes she is the perfect girlfriend/wife boasting,
“I’m a fit girl with her own money, a sense of humour to die for, the brain of a scientist, the kindness of a saint and who can shag like a porn star... (My house is) every blokes dream. It's immaculate, I've got every toy imaginable (sex ones and not sex ones ie. play station, x box, home cinema etc), I've got a huge garden, a motorbike, two bulldogs and a fridge full of treats…”
You see, the thing is (and this is not misogyny) men don’t want to settle down with someone like Jodie. Sure, they like a porn star in the bedroom but not necessarily everywhere else in life. Because Jodie is not just a whore in the bedroom, she acts like one in public, inappropriately amongst friends and family, on public transport and probably in Tescos too and as much as I am all for girls with open sexuality (I hate the shy, frigid and repressed type), my impression is that Jodie is a little too crude and overwhelming for most men to handle. Me personally, wouldn’t be intimidated by her and I thin she would be a lot of fun. I would date her but unfortunately, I know from her shallow choice in men, I’m clearly not her type. Anyway…
In her book, she admits that the initial impression she gave Antony from Blue (someone she ended up having a relationship, albeit brief, with) was one of a man-eater and that he was terrified after she had opened their first conversation with an offer to have an orgy with the whole band.
Now, I’m sure that she is lovely once you get to know her and she is caring and sweet to a certain point, but the fact that she is a clear neurotic mess from not just in this MTV show but the other documentaries she has done in the past has pretty much ruined her chances of any decent, non-gold digging man from ever coming forward.
As it turns out, the wedding programme was a huge disaster for Jodie. By the end of it she was exposed as ‘choosing’ a guy she was already seeing and orchestrating a very badly acted initial meeting between the two of them.
For the sake of the show and probably some sort of persistance from MTV, they cracked on with the charade and spent a couple of episodes rowing as Jodie went on a succession of painful looking dates, while she went home to where the other guy (Jordan’s ex whom she eventually married) had seemingly and curiously, already moved in.
It was an ingenius ploy to fool the system and screw with the industry of celebrity if it wasn’t for the fact that they blagged every element of her wedding for free on the basis that her day was being televised. That, and they weren’t clever enough to pull it off in the first place.
Since the show aired, Jodie and her management have parted ways and she has been rather absent from her normally rage-fuelled blog. One suspects they are too busy with all of their boys toys in their country mansion.
So anyway, I’ve been looking forward to this book because I actually had a lot of respect for Jodie Marsh. Admittedly, most of this has dissapated since the show ended a few weeks back but I admired and awknowledged the fact that she does everything on her own terms.
She’s open and incredibly strong-minded, I thought that she got a rough ride from the other celebrities in the Big Brother house in her very short time in there and I actually thought that she has had a pretty bad lot from the press and generally everyone else who was happy to take (quite scarily) a lot of their time in making sure the word got out how awful she was. But then that is the nature of her business and she needs to get a grip and realise that.
Yes, I was on her side, some of this idea probably came from my penis (granted) but whole heartedly, I was there for her. Then I read her book.
We will call it her book, because she has said on many occasions how she wrote it all herself (which I don’t doubt), although she has had a good editor work on it too. Whereas Jordan didn’t, she quite often likes to point out.
There are only a few things you need to know about Jodie, to grasp somewhat of a idea of what her life is and has been all about:
1. She likes to have sex like it’s an olympic sport.
2. She likes the occasional drink. See above metaphor.
3. Her best friend was murdered.
4. Her dog died the day after.
5. She was bullied at school.
6. Her parents have worked hard for their wealth.
Now, if you mention any 1-3 of the above (or possibly even all of them) on each of the three hundred plus pages, then you have pretty much grasped the concept. Yes, it’s probably the most whiny and repetitive account of self-gratifying, back patting yet and she boasts, brays and brags more than one of those horrid pink, yummy mummy novels that are full of baby latin classes and 4x4s.
From the very get go, there’s an immediate stream of self-effacing ego mania, with a severe lack of modesty as early as line 8 of the first page, she informs us exactly how intelligent she is, and then in particular, as a child:
“I was walking and talking at nine months... I was top of the class in pretty much everything....”
Did I mention modesty?
Whether or not she married her amore ideal, despite the rouse, I wonder whether Jodie actually got what she wanted or whether like the rest of us in the human race, make compromises for love once or twice in their life without being so demanding. On the subject of demanding, here Jodie outlines exactly what she wants in a man in her book, I am obviously concerned that I measure up:
“He’s got to be fit and strong, able to shag three times a day, be a vegetarian, love animals, ride a motorbike, have his own dreams and ambitions, think that Paul Weller is a music legend...”
Not bad so far. Apart from the vegetarianism, of course. Yeah, I’m fucked already, aren’t I? Well, that’s my story and I am sticking to it. Sorry, you have more to say?
“...get on with my family, make time for my friends, know what it’s like to lose a best friend...”
Told ya...
“Want to come and visit terminally ill children with me, let me dress how I want to dress, understand my job, defend me to anyone who slags me off...”
Err...
“Put up with my forty-a-day habit...”
Well, err...
“Want four children...”
Fuck.
“Love clubbing but not drink every night of the week... want to live in the countryside, share the bed with five dogs if need be...”
Right...
“Not be jealous or patronising or try to control me...”
Ok..
“Not take drugs..”
Jodie...
“Not be fame-seeking or pretentious...”
Jodie...
“Want to come to my brothers gigs with me...”
JODIE!!! Are you done?
“Love watching DVDs, be prepared to watch Dirty Dancing at least once a year...”
I better take a seat.
“Enjoy going to concerts, cuddle me when I am down and kiss me when I cry, make me laugh, be proud of me, understand that a foot massage is an important part of a relationship and love me more than he’s ever loved anyone before in his life.”
I suspect that she’s not one for comprimise then.
I think its all about attraction and the rules in which soceity subconciously goes by in the dating world. Jodie might be the ultimate lover, but unless she were to apply herself to some more adult orientated social rules and the skills to therewith, she is going to attract nothing but weirdos and male models who want you to help their career.
Personally, I think its a desperate need for acceptance which stems from when she was a teenager and she walked in on her first proper boyfriend with her best friend (not the murdered one she mentions on every page, incidentally) and then as she goes through her first heartbreak and sense of betrayal, and at a time when she feels ugly from the taunting pupils, her parents attempt to remedy the problem, not with sympathy and emotional development, but plastic surgery instead.
From that moment on, she meets and attracts a series of what can only be described in the most politest of terms, complete assholes. She gets caught up in a violent relationship with a boxer who eventually went to jail for assaulting another partner (a story that Jodie instantly jumped onto GMTV’s couch to utilise, incidentally), got engaged to a guy she didn’t really like but he was really nice to her dog, it errr.. all gets a bit confusing and sporadic around this time that is until she becomes a stripper.
That’s when her life really changes. Whether its eventually for the better or not. Only time, experience, self assessment and hindsight will tell.
I felt increasingly more dismayed and frustrated with her by the end of the book. The first half has some sort of relative plot, ie how she became famous, the bullying (whether it existed or not), the violent relationship, core staples of any good/bad celebrity memoir. But the second half of the book is not only crude and self-indulgent, but every chapter chronicles her brief, sexual shenanigans with a different celebrity/professional celebrity boyfriend.
She repeats a shameful cycle of being impressed with exactly which other female celebrities her potential suitor upon meeting has dated, to a point where she seems to gain some sort of re-assurance in herself (because of her past being bullied and therefore ‘beating them’ in her mind) when someone comes along like Fran Cosgrove who’s been in a serious relationship and had a child with someone more famous than her for example, or how she was besotted with Max Beesley, who had a serious relationship with a Spice girl, or how she has married the ex of her rival, Jordan.
The blatant taunting of Katie Price in this book is quite sad and unrelentless. From the word go, everything about this book reeks of one upmanship and provocation.
Some people would describe her jibes and mutterings about (and have) of Jordan, as bullying herself. One anecdote in particular struck me. That of her winning a Daily Star poll pitting her against Jordan, getting people (sorry, men) to vote for who they prefer and her winning “hands down” with 70%,
“I whispered up to the sky and said, ‘That was for you, Kim.”
I have to admit, I was pretty disgusted and enraged at that. The thing with this Kim girl really mystified me. In her text, she goes from someone within a group of friends that she really doesn’t mention very much, in fact the one or two anecdotes she has about her sound very insincere, to becoming a best friend and then a soul mate within a matter of pages when she talks about the girls funeral, where she reads out a poem that her father wrote for her dead dog.
Nice.
I do doubt from the evidence that she presents exactly the extent of her relationship with Kim Banyard and I’m not the first. Others have agreed that she exploits the death of her ‘friend’, which is wholly unrepentant and ill-advised all the way through the book.
She goes on about how incredibly intelligent she is, but then she never seems to learn by her mistakes and then when she does give off some sort of sense at the end of the book that she has indeed come to some sort of clarity about the way she is, despite still pontificating about how much still, losing a friend (not just any friend, but her best friend/soulmate) to murder.
But more so than that, as much as I appreciate that she is so open sexually, again I think she is far too crude within these pages. Her habit of being so sexually graphic about those in the public eye is quite unique, which you have to respect (well, I’m keeping it real, innit) but I really think there is scope for restraint, which our Jode doesn’t seem to have,
“Fran had the grossest foreskin I have ever seen. It was so horrid that I felt physically sick when I gave him a blow job...”
Plus she would say how great they are as lovers and when things went wrong, she would paint them as complete losers and inadequate sexually.
But to take a leaf out of Jodie’s book, Jordan did this too.
The incincerity of this whole book is binded primarily on exactly how quickly she gets over certain tragedies and relationships in her life, not even getting into how she fucked two friends of one particular suitor purposely to get his attention.
But more so than anything, this was no more evident than when she then ponders upon why she behaved like she did when Mr. Cosgrove, not really famous for anything but owning a club and being the semen partner for a shit girl group member, treated her like crap and she didn’t listen to any of her family when they were the only ones talking sense,
“You would have thought I’d have listened to everyone around me, but I still defended him and hung on in there. God only knows what was wrong with me. Could I blame Kim’s death?”
??
Oh, for heaven’s sake. Get a fucking grip. No, you can’t. What’s wrong with you?
“I was still grieving, after all...”
Yes, how many years, was it? Shame you weren’t grieving so much after the insane sexual bender you went on after the funeral. But then, we all deal with grief in our own way.
“Could I blame my bullies from school? I still had major insecurities under the surface.”
Clearly, this is true.
I think though, Jodie is completely deluded into thinking exactly what she is worth to a partner but also what constitutes a loving relationship. Essentially, she is stuck in the body of that spoilt child she ever was. If you watch any of her documentaries where she has been around her parents, she has curled up in a ball and given the whimpering bambi eyes towards them, just like the maddening, affluential, sweet sixteens who don’t get their own way on similar reality shows from the states do.
Surely this image, and the one of her marrying a complete asshole that can only end in tears really, doesn’t have to be the legacy that follows her. I truly think that she can be the inspiration to others she desires to be if she surrounds herself with truly loyal and more importantly, brave people that will, in turn, inspire her to take a good long hard look at herself.
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I picked up this book from the ‘swap shelf’ at work and found the Head of English had put it there declaring it ‘a great read’. This goes to show that us teachers are open-minded at least! While it’s not my usual cup of tea I was pleasantly surprised at how I warmed to Marsh by reading it. Previously, I would have dismissed her completely but I now have more understanding of her showbiz character and how she doesn’t take herself too seriously. This book does read a bit like ‘Heat’ magazine and I
I picked up this book from the ‘swap shelf’ at work and found the Head of English had put it there declaring it ‘a great read’. This goes to show that us teachers are open-minded at least! While it’s not my usual cup of tea I was pleasantly surprised at how I warmed to Marsh by reading it. Previously, I would have dismissed her completely but I now have more understanding of her showbiz character and how she doesn’t take herself too seriously. This book does read a bit like ‘Heat’ magazine and I can imagine that due to its tell-all and upfront nature that it won’t appeal to everyone and will always have a fairly limited audience. This book was a quick and easy read but did illustrate that some of the most trivial-seeming celebrities have more of a complex character than meets the eye.
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Ahh Jodie marsh. I really want to like you, but your book does you no favours. At the end of reading all 300 + pages .. You simply come across as a tart with a heart...
But mostly a tart.
Please write a new updated one & show me & the world you don't still think getting attention of grubby football players & shaging in taxies makes you better then the kids that bullied you at school.
I didn't pick up this book to read about your sex life (ew.) I was expecting to see the metamorphism in
Ahh Jodie marsh. I really want to like you, but your book does you no favours. At the end of reading all 300 + pages .. You simply come across as a tart with a heart...
But mostly a tart.
Please write a new updated one & show me & the world you don't still think getting attention of grubby football players & shaging in taxies makes you better then the kids that bullied you at school.
I didn't pick up this book to read about your sex life (ew.) I was expecting to see the metamorphism into who you are then to who you are now in the present.
Next time before I pick up an ex glamor girls bio... I really should think twice.
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This is the story of Jodie Marsh and her rise to fame in the UK.I'm not a fan of her personally but I got it for 10p and was actually surprised by it being a good read.It starts with her being bullied at school which explains her urge for plastic surgery,her appearance on reality TV which made her a star,and her doomed love affair with actor Max Beasley.She pours her heart out in the book and you start to have some sympathy for her as we can all relate to a broken heart!A decent read.
I think too many assumptions are made about Jodie Marsh and i thoroughly enjoyed reading her autobiography. She has been through alot and has come out a strong independent woman. It helps you see how down to earth she is and that her life is very similar to our own. I admire her for her courage and have learnt that you gain more by being yourself and caring less about what others think.
I actually really enjoyed reading her life story! I bought the book under the impression I didn't like her, but the book won me over and I completely changed my opinion on her, there is so much more than meets the eye.
This book changed my opinion of Jodie Marsh completely! I think her story is amazing! What she has been through in her life and where she is today is fantastic. I would recommend to any of her fans or not!